Oh … Wow ….
I took the day off school today. I woke up unusually fatigued ( even for a school day) and in my morning haze i realized exams were over so going to school didn’t really matter. So I asked my Dad if I could take a day off and he – angrily – agreed.
I was reading my old blog (some trivia: http://riveranton.blog.com) today. Looking through the old posts made me realize a lot of things. Funny thing is, I originally started writing a blog so that I could look back on it. It felt as if someone else had written the posts on the blogs. It’s not that I’m so detached from my past, but it seems as if the PAST ME is so much more articulate and has much more insight into life ! LIKE WHAT THE HELL MAN?!
I’ve been dumbed down! The past River seems to be likened towards some sort of… lonely thinker who couldn’t get any sleep and posted up how he perceived life. The now River posts up poetry and rarely anything of actual substance.
Last year’s Christmas holidays did something to me. And I’m not really sure what. I miss when I actually gave a damn about the things and events that occurred in my life. It’s been too long since I’ve taken a step back and looked around.
Riddle Me This .
Clutching his coat closer to his body, he trudged through the thick fog. Steps unprepared, unplanned, only to arrive at the statue posing in its eternal stiffness. The face carved carefully, most obviously hand crafted with letters seemingly gargled and thrown up, left misinterpreted but etched into history. Coins jingling in all 4 pockets, unspent and almost as worthless as the promises that were made.
How-To books only revealed his worthless state, ripping out blank pages one at a time, with the bright yellow façade guffawing at his precipice. The inevitable would amount to an anti climax, one that would bother him for a while, one that he could possibly never forget.
Tired screams were dismissed of their existence, after all no one was around to hear them. A bloody mess lay at his feet as a deep drum drew closer and closer. Beads of sweat delicately ran down his face, his palms gilded with blood as pure as gold. Precious stones culminated into a vacant stare and slowly as the sun set, they shined no more.
Land Mines
You don’t need to wander the desert
Your feet sinking in the sand
You don’t need to climb mountains
Your arms weary with fatigue
You don’t need to sail alone
Singing to the crashing waves
You don’t need to follow the stars
Watching them sparkle and die
To find me
To find me
You don’t need to sacrifice your dreams
Leaving all that you care for
You don’t need to write a song
Every note more beautiful than the last
You don’t need to suffer sleepless nights
Awake and counting to ten in the dark
You don’t need to ask passing strangers
Listening to blank stares with no answer
To find me
To find me
You don’t need to pray
Asking God why
You don’t need to wonder and think
Asking yourself why
You don’t need to cry
Tears rolling down your face
You don’t need to shout and call my name
Losing your voice in the name of love
To find me
To find me
Im wherever you need me to be
Sitting by your door
Writing in the book you share your dreams in
Lying next to you
through the coldest night
My arm around your shoulder
When you’re too afraid to smile
My hand entwined with yours
When you don’t want to walk by yourself
Together we count the disappearing storm clouds
Embracing the sunshine
looking in your eyes, that are brighter still
You never need to be alone
I’m right here waiting.
oh, hai prose!
Okay.
So what’s been going on with me? The past month has been pretty hectic (not in the good, but in the literal way). If anything I’ve learned to watch my mouth above all else.
I consider myself not dumb. But that doesn’t mean I have permission to run my mouth just because I can waffle on about why I’m right and you’re wrong, because that makes me a loser. Right? Right.
Next: Exams. They end in three days, and I am very unprepared for commerce and IST tomorrow. When my peers stress about exams then I stress. So it thoroughly annoys me when particular friends go bananas over something as a simple fact and cram cram cram the night before blazing all over facebook, twitter and MSN about how they now know about this and that and have (freakishly) successfully memorized like 15 pages of information. It makes me so insecure about my own knowledge ! Yuck. No but seriously, after I finish writing this I’m gonna follow suit.
I’ve recently also rediscovered my love for City and Colour ! I’m trying to weigh up whether or not I should actually obtain the album legally, which some call “Buying”, or practically steal it ; Limewiring. Dallas Green’s voice is so soothing, calm, but confident and also powerful. His lyrics are true and heartfelt and the actual music he composes has more variety then that of, say, Iron and Wine. His name is supa kool too, yo.
Yes Please.
There’s a new movie out called “500 Days Of Summer” . Well, it’s not really new. I first saw the trailer back in December and now that it’s actually come out, I still haven’t had an opportunity to see it. I REALLY want to watch it and i deserve to after keeping my mouth shut patiently for about (what felt like) 20 months. Call me a cheesy Romantic, but I like love stories, even the off beat quirky-ly cute ones, and 500 Days of Summer is shaped exactly to fit the void that “The Notebook” left.
Okay … Hmm , what else ? Oh yeah I’m failing miserably in a particular department of life. It’s confusing, as per usual. I just don’t understand why it can’t be as easy as,
i like you
i like you too
let’s make this work.
But, time and time again, we find it’ll never be that way. There’s always roadblocks or obstacles in the path that you either jump over or crash into. And I think I’ve crashed far too many times…
It’s a shame though. It wasn’t infatuation this time.
But you can’t stay down and out when situations like this occur. You gotta keep your head high, look forward to the best. Anf that’s exactly what I’ll do, namely, an afternoon movie session with some friends of mine to watch the above named movie !
Yeah…
We never said goodbye, though .
King Whoever, The King of Whatever
We believed all that we could
You destroyed whatever you wanted
We made promises in the light
I broke them in the dark
I questioned your thoughts
You gave no answer
You asked who I loved
I replied “no one”
I’d rather be blind
Than to wake up to see our pictures burning
We were so innocent
So willing to fall in love
We sang words that made no sense
Pushed against the wind
just Wanting to be heard
just Wanting to fall down
What makes a man
Does he punch a wall, break glass
drink away all his sorrow
and dispose of his fears
or does he cry
Either way he’ll be alone tonight.
when all is said and done
I’m the one with the broken heart
closing my eyes
trying to forget it all
Truth.
Being idealistic gets you shot .
But so does holding on to someone that’s letting go .
The Wunderkinds Part II
Even if you need to go
Im just begging you to stay
It’s 4 o clock in the morning
This empty home is cold
I just don’t feel right when we’re apart
I fell in love with your drowsy eyes
and your wisp like movements when you walk
What can i do but smile
Knowing we’re both beyond ourselves
would it be unfair
if i asked for a kiss
knowing too well you’d crumble right beside me
Don’t go .
We’re the wunderkinds to this invention
that people call
Love.
The Wunderkinds
Im not even sure what we’re doing here
disperse my fears, make it clear
Why do i count to three when you draw closer
Breathing slowly to make steady my heart
Your passing ghost just knows
the exact place to go
To retrieve the shattered pieces
of the porcelain doll we made
The most meaningful smile
on such a lifeless face
And such a proposition
No, we couldn’t understand
and even if we could run away
I’m sure we would stay
Making memories together
dreaming forever .
Yikes !
I need a writing process . Something that will get me more organized and precise that’ll make my writing more concise and generally better. Does anyone know if there’s just one process, black and white? Or does it differ for everyone ? I feel like I’ve been rushing my work lately and because of it, what i want to express isn’t expressed and the messages I want to send aren’t received or are misconstrued.
You know what? Screw it. I need to get more organized in general . I’ve been studying for this years yarly exams but i find most of my notes are disorganized or aren’t legible . I need to pick up my game ! Yeesh. I honestly have like 5 songs and 12 poems on my desktop that are unfinished. That’s horrible. It’s either a) im lazy or b) unmotivated or c) out of ideas and just dont know how to finish them. Sigh .
It’s whatever though. I promise ya’ll I haven’t ditched my blog. Just watch this space and HOPEFULLY new stuff will be up soon .
